- Sleep on the smallest shelf in your closet, on the thinnest foam pad you can find.
- Replace the closet door with a curtain.
- Four hours after you go to sleep, have your mate whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble, "Your watch!".
- Put a wall across the middle of your bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level.
- When taking showers, shut off the water while soaping.
- Put diesel fuel in your home humidifier instead of water and set it to high.
- If your basement floods, during a sudden thaw, go down and start bailing with a small bucket.
- Bring inside some type of gas engine (lawn mower, garden tiller, etc.), start, and leave running while trying to listen to favorite CD, or having an in depth conversation.
- If the wind outside is howling, race around the house to make sure all windows and doors are secure (at night, everyone takes a turn on 'watch').
- Place all non edible garbage in small plastic bags, and store in other half of tub (edible garbage to be thrown out the window).
- Wake up at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. Cold canned ravioli or soup is optional.
- Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in the pantry, fridge, or freezer.
- Once a month, pick a major appliance, take it completely apart, and put it back together.
- Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot, and allow it to sit, boiling away, for 5 to 6 hours before drinking.
- Put a fluorescent light under the coffee table, and lay there to read a book.
- Every so often, throw the cat in the tub (hot tub, large sink, etc.) and shout, "Man overboard!".
- Run into the kitchen and sweep all the pots, pans and dishes off of the counter onto the floor, then yell at the mate for not having the place "stowed for sea".
- Dampen all of your clothes with salty water and seal them in a plastic bag for a few days, until they are nice and
mildewy, then wear them that way for the next three weeks.
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